Matthew 18:15-17: How to Confront a Brother in Sin
Short answer: Matthew 18:15-17 lays out a step-by-step path for confronting a brother who sins against you: go to him privately first. If he listens, you have gained him back. If he refuses, take one or two witnesses. If he still refuses, tell the church. If he refuses the church, treat him as an outsider and a tax collector. The goal throughout is restoration, not punishment. Jesus frames the whole process around gaining back a brother, which sets the tone for every step. Confrontation in Scripture is never about winning an argument or venting frustration. It is aimed at recovering the person and protecting the community, and it must be carried out with gentleness and humility, since those who correct others are also vulnerable to temptation themselves.
Why Go to Your Brother Alone First
Jesus begins with the smallest possible audience. Matthew 18:15 says, "If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone." The first move is private, not public. This is not a suggestion for the faint of heart; it is a command that requires courage. Going alone means you cannot hide behind a crowd, a group chat, or a committee. It means you must speak plainly to the person himself.
The privacy also protects the offender. If he repents, no one else ever needs to know. His reputation is spared. The sin is covered in the sense that it does not spread. Many conflicts escalate only because someone skipped this first step and aired the matter to others before ever speaking to the person involved. That is not what Jesus commands here.
The phrase between you and him alone is the practical testing ground of love. It is easy to complain about someone. It is harder to sit across from him and say, in gentleness, that something is wrong. But this is what love does, and Proverbs 27:5-6 says, "Better is open rebuke than hidden love." Silence is not kindness when a brother is walking in sin.
What to Say When You Confront
The text says to show him his fault. That means naming the sin, not hinting at it. Vague discomfort helps no one. At the same time, the manner matters. Galatians 6:1-2 says that those who are spiritual must restore a person caught in a fault in a spirit of gentleness, and it warns the restorer to watch himself, since he too can be tempted. The one confronting is not standing above the other; he is standing beside him.
So the conversation should be specific, honest, and gentle. It should describe what happened, why it is wrong, and what repentance would look like. It should be free of exaggeration and self-defense. If the sin is against you personally, you may also need to acknowledge your own part if there is one.
This is not the same as pronouncing judgment. Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 5 address different situations, but here in Matthew 18 the aim is to win a brother back. A rebuke given in the wrong spirit can destroy the very person you are trying to save. A rebuke given in the right spirit is a form of love.
If He Listens: The Promise of Gaining a Brother
Matthew 18:15 ends with a promise: "If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother." The reward is relational, not vindicatory. You do not get to say, I told you so. You gain a brother. The relationship is restored. The offense is forgiven. This is the outcome Jesus wants us to pursue and pray for.
Notice that listening is the condition. The person may not agree with every detail, but if he receives the correction and turns from the sin, the matter is settled. There is no need for further steps. The process stops. Many of us struggle to stop at this point; we want the offender to suffer something, to apologize publicly, or to prove himself over months. Jesus says the matter is over when the brother listens.
This is where forgiveness becomes real. Luke 17:3-4 says, "Be careful. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him." The rebuke and the forgiveness belong together. If we confront but cannot forgive, we have not completed the work Jesus gave us.
When He Refuses: Taking One or Two Witnesses
If the first conversation fails, Jesus tells us to take one or two others along. Matthew 18:16 says, "But if he doesn't listen, take one or two more with you, that at the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established." The witnesses serve two purposes: they confirm what was said, and they add weight to the appeal. Their presence also protects both parties from false accusations.
The witnesses are not a mob. They are not there to gang up on the person. They are there to establish the facts and to urge repentance. The same gentleness that governed the first conversation should govern the second. If the person repents at this stage, the matter is still resolved. The goal is unchanged.
Some Christians have used this step to build a case against someone they dislike. That is a misuse of the passage. The witnesses are for the protection of the accused as much as for the accuser. Their role is to seek the truth and to help restore the person, not to gather evidence for punishment. If the offender is in the wrong and still refuses, the witnesses can testify to what they heard.
Telling the Church and Treating Him as an Outsider
The final step is to tell the church, as Matthew 18:17 says. This is not gossip; it is the gathered community being asked to call a member to repentance. The church, properly understood, is the assembly of believers, and their united appeal carries weight that a private conversation does not. The hope is that the person will hear the church and turn back.
If he refuses even the church, Jesus says to treat him as an outsider and a tax collector. That is severe, but it is not violent or hateful. In the cultural setting, tax collectors were outsiders to the covenant community. The person is no longer treated as a brother within the fellowship. This is a form of removal, but it is also a form of hope: the person is left in a position where he may realize what he has lost and come back.
This step is not a license for churches to cast out anyone who disagrees with them on minor matters. The sin in view is serious and persistent, and the person has rejected two or three attempts to restore him. The goal is still the same: gaining a brother, if at all possible.
The Goal Is Restoration, Not Shaming
Throughout Matthew 18:15-17 the aim is restoration. Galatians 6:1-2 uses the word restore, which pictures setting a broken bone or mending a torn net. The purpose is not to shame the offender but to bring him back. James 5:19-20 picks up the same theme: if someone wanders from the truth and someone turns him back, that is a good work, and it saves a soul from death.
This means that public shaming, revenge, and refusing to forgive are outside the spirit of the passage. Even when the church must treat someone as an outsider, the hope is that the person will come to his senses and return. Church discipline is not the same as punishment; it is an act of love that refuses to pretend sin is not serious.
That is why Galatians 6:1-2 warns those doing the restoring to watch themselves. If we confront out of anger or self-righteousness, we will do harm. If we confront out of love, we may gain a brother. The difference is enormous, and it is a matter of the heart before it is a matter of technique.
How This Looks in Ordinary Church Life
In practice, most conflicts never reach the second or third step. Ideally they are resolved in the first conversation. When they are not, wise churches have leaders who help mediate, and the process stays focused on the truth and on the person's good. The steps are not a ladder to climb as quickly as possible; they are a patient path that gives the offender repeated opportunities to repent.
This means the first step should not be skipped. Going to the church before going to the person is a common failure. It turns a private matter into a public one and often hardens the offender instead of softening him. It also violates the plain order Jesus gives.
The passage also assumes that the one confronting is part of a church that takes the final step seriously. A church that never practices the last step is not equipped to practice the first two. Discipline and restoration belong together in a healthy congregation, and both require leaders who are gentle, patient, and committed to the truth.
What About Sins That Are Not Against You?
Matthew 18:15 begins with a sin against you, but the underlying principles apply elsewhere. Galatians 6:1 addresses a man caught in any fault, and James 5:19-20 speaks of someone who wanders from the truth. Not every sin requires a private confrontation, and not every fault is a matter for church discipline. Wisdom and discernment are needed.
Some sins are better covered by love and prayer. Others are serious and public enough that they must be addressed. The difference is not always easy to see, and faithful Christians differ on where the line falls. What is clear is that the goal is always restoration, and the manner is always gentleness.
1 Timothy 5 deals with how elders are to be accused and corrected, showing that even in the church's leadership, the same concern for truth and fairness applies. The passage here in Matthew is not the only word on the subject, but it is the foundational one, and it sets the tone for all the rest.
Biblical fidelity check
The passage establishes a sequence, a goal, and a spirit: private confrontation, then witnesses, then the church, with restoration as the aim and gentleness as the manner. It does not establish that every disagreement is a sin, that every offender must be confronted immediately, or that the church may treat people harshly. It also does not promise that the process will always work. Some people will refuse every appeal.
A common misreading is to treat the final step as permission to shun people permanently or to use church discipline as a weapon. That is wrong because it contradicts the stated goal of gaining the brother back and the explicit warning in Galatians 6:1-2 to restore in gentleness while watching yourself. Another misreading is to skip the first steps and go straight to public accusation, which reverses the order Jesus gives and inflames rather than heals.
Other passages that speak to Matthew 18:15-17
For further study, see 1 Timothy 1: Grace, Mercy, and Sound Doctrine, which shows how sound teaching and correction belong together, and 1 Timothy 3: Overseers and Servants in God's House, which describes the kind of leaders who can handle conflict rightly. 1 Timothy 4: Guarding Faith and Godliness reminds us that correction is part of guarding the truth, and Honoring Widows and Elders in 1 Timothy 5 gives practical guidance on handling accusations fairly within the church.
Frequently asked questions
Do I have to confront every sin I see in another believer?
No. Matthew 18:15 addresses a brother who sins against you, and Galatians 6:1 speaks of restoring someone caught in a fault. Not every fault requires confrontation. Many minor offenses are best covered by love and prayer. Wisdom is needed to know which matters are serious enough to address directly and which are better left to God. When confrontation is needed, the goal is always restoration, and the manner must be gentle.
What if the person refuses to listen at every step?
Jesus says to treat him as an outsider and a tax collector, which means he is no longer treated as a brother in the fellowship. This is painful but not hateful; it is a final appeal that exposes the seriousness of the sin. The hope remains that the person will come back. The church should continue to pray for him and welcome him if he repents, but it should not pretend the sin did not happen.
Can I skip the private step and go straight to church leaders?
Normally no. Jesus explicitly says to go between you and him alone first. Going to leaders before speaking to the person not only disobeys the order he gives but often makes reconciliation harder by making the matter public too soon. There are exceptions, such as when someone is in danger or when the person is in a position of authority and the matter is serious, but the ordinary path begins in private.
